


Every Time You Leave

by historyofbellarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellamy's POV, F/M, Fix it of sorts, I diverge in 5x13, Mostly Canon Compliant, Seasons 1-5, Strong Language, because I swear a lot, rating M to be safe, upped the rating, will add tags as necessary - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28025262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/historyofbellarke/pseuds/historyofbellarke
Summary: Exploring season 1-5 Bellarke scenes from Bellamy's perspective.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	1. All I ever wanted was to find someone

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two space idiots. Bellamy has been in love with Clarke since almost the beginning and that is the hill I will die on. 
> 
> Scenes will go in order but there's no real rhyme or reason to when chapters end. I'm also adding extra scenes if needed (AKA what I think Bellamy was doing/thinking off-camera). 
> 
> I'm starting with more narration than Bellamy's direct thoughts because I don't think he consciously realized anything about his feelings for Clarke until much later on. I'll transition to more of Bellamy's thoughts as we go along. 
> 
> Formatting note: everything in italics are Bellamy's direct thoughts/memories.

**Day 1**

_“Stop! The air could be toxic.”_

_“If the air’s toxic, we’re all dead anyway.”_

He hadn’t meant to snap at her. He knew the risks of going to the ground and he didn’t need the privileged princess reminding him. He had just killed the freaking **chancellor.** Bellamy knew he was a dead man no matter what was outside the doors.

He had known immediately who she was when she emerged out of the crowd. Clarke Griffin, daughter of Dr. Griffin and that engineer they floated last year. Families like the Griffins and the Jahas were the closest thing the ark had to royalty.

So yeah, he knew who she was.

_I just didn’t think she’d be so damned cute._

Even if their first day together was contentious, there was something about her that let him know he could trust her. Octavia was the only thing he had left to live for - and he would do whatever it took to keep her safe.

And yet… and yet…

_I let her take O into a radiation-soaked forest to look for supplies that may not even exist. Smart._

He needed to protect O.

_I can’t let myself get distracted again._

Bellamy told himself that he felt nothing for Clarke but a twinge of attraction followed by annoyance and contempt.

Bellamy Blake wasn’t good at lying to himself.

**Day 2**

“I’m getting that wristband, even if I have to cut off her hand to do it.”

Turns out, Bellamy Blake wasn’t good at lying to those around him either. He knew the minute the words passed his lips that he wasn’t going to hurt Clarke. He had already thrown himself in between Murphy and Clarke once today, before his brain could even process what his body was doing. 

He’d known Clarke for maybe a grand total of five minutes and already she knew exactly how to get under his skin.

_“Right now, they’re thinking only one of us is scared.”_

Clarke had walked away with a smirk, knowing he’d follow.

_How did she know exactly what to say to get me to go? And how the hell did she know that it would work?_

He had even tried to throw her off by lifting his shirt to show off his gun. Bellamy knew he was attractive, if the _attention_ he’d already received at camp was anything to go by, but Clarke was unflappable.

_Shit shit shit I can’t let this happen. Get your shit together, Blake. Time to get her wristband._

Bellamy ran to catch up with Clarke and Wells.

“Hey hold up! What’s the rush? You don’t survive a spear to the heart.”

“Jasper screamed when they moved him. If the spear struck his heart, he’d have died instantly. It doesn’t mean we have time to waste.”

“As soon as you take this wristband off, we can go.”

He hadn’t even realized he grabbed her wrist until she was yanking her hand back.

“The only way the ark is going to think I’m dead, is if I’m dead. Got it?”

_Why is she so close? Abort. Abort._

How did this happen? _He_ was supposed to be intimidating _her_.

“Brave princess.”

“Hey, why don’t you find your own nickname?”

_Andddd Finn’s here._

Bellamy Blake was absolutely NOT going to analyze why he was annoyed by Finn’s sudden appearance.

He just didn’t like the guy. It had nothing to do with Finn’s obvious crush on Clarke.

Bellamy Blake wasn’t good at lying to himself.


	2. But holdin' it together is the hardest part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episodes 1x2 Earth Skills - 1x8 Day Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. I'm sorry for the delay (see bottom for a longer explanation of where I've been).
> 
> The day #s come from the timeline on the 100's wiki. I like using the day #s instead of episode numbers because I think we lose track of how compressed seasons 1-4 are. If it's too confusing, let me know and I'll see if I can come up with a better system. 
> 
> With that said, enjoy my interpretation of Earth Skills to Day Trip. (Note: I am including lines that were cut before the episode made it to air because I freaking love them and they fit well with my narrative.)

**Day 2 (night)**

Bellamy Blake had secrets.

Though several people on the ground knew him, few knew that he harbored two special talents.

The first is that Bellamy was intensely observant. If you knew how he grew up, you would understand. His entire life, and the lives of his sister and mother, depended on him being constantly vigilant and aware of every aspect of his environment. He was subtle about it - he knew not to draw attention to himself.

The second is that Bellamy was a storyteller. There were few things that helped keep O occupied day after day while locked in their quarters, but there was one that always worked: telling stories. Sure, he’d read to her from their mythology books but he loved making up stories too. In another life, maybe he could’ve been a writer.

While these two traits had helped him (and them) survive on the ark for as long as they did, they fucking SUCKED when Bellamy was trying to sleep.

Like right now.

Every time Bellamy closed his eyes, he saw Clarke falling down that trap. He never even hesitated - it was pure instinct to protect her. He had never had that instinct with anyone other than O before.

_“With Finn around, she doesn’t even see you.”_

_“NOW she sees you.”_

The lines replayed in his head. He wasn’t stupid. He saw the connection - the irony that he said this to Wells after _he_ had just saved her life, too.

He chuckled to himself. _If this was a story, that might be called “foreshadowing.”_

But this wasn’t a story and he lied to himself by saying that he would’ve done it for anyone.

Bellamy had _finally_ almost fallen asleep when Jasper’s screams jolted him awake.

_Fuck._

**Day 6**

Bellamy clutched the makeshift blade in his hand as he knelt over Atom. He knew what he needed to do as soon as Charlotte slipped the blade into his hand - he just didn’t know if he _could_ do it.

For all his talk about cutting off Clarke’s hand and killing Jasper, he had never been the one to plunge a blade into someone’s flesh and he sat there frozen even as Atom begged Bellamy to end his pain.

But then, he felt someone watching him…

_Clarke! Maybe she can help him._

A small, weak bit of hope nipped at his mind… until she shook her head no.

_Ok, Blake. You can do this. Atom is your friend and you owe it to him to free him from this pain._

_… Clarke is… humming? Wait, why is she taking the blade?_

_Oh._

**_OH._ **

_She… she did it. She killed him. He’s gone._

_Maybe… maybe I was wrong about her._

Bellamy gathered up Atom’s body and carried it back to camp.

_Maybe Clarke really did know a lost cause when she saw one. Maybe she’s right and Jasper will pull through._

“Get Clarke whatever she needs.”

The words just slipped out, yet nobody seemed to question why Bellamy had gone from “I’ll kill him myself” to completely supporting Clarke’s attempts to save the dying kid.

When O told him later that night that Clarke had saved Jasper, he wasn’t even surprised. He just let a little grin slip through that nobody but O would’ve ever noticed.

(And O - she noticed. She also noticed the change in his attitude towards Clarke. She didn’t know what happened on their trip and was too upset about Atom to question it any further. But make no mistake - she **noticed**.)

**Day 14 (night)**

_“Can you wish on this type of shooting star?”_

_“I wouldn’t even know what to wish for.”_

He couldn’t sleep - again. The last several days were so hellish that he had collapsed every night into a dead sleep. Wells, Murphy, Charlotte, Lincoln. All of their blood was on his hands and he knew it. Had to _live_ with it.

He honestly didn’t know if he even _could_ live with it. And somehow, through it all, he became co-leaders with Clarke. It wasn’t a conscious choice either of them made and yet, here they were.

He knew something shifted when he watched her kill Atom. In that moment, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was wrong about her.

And honestly, that scared the shit out of him.

Privileged Clarke he could deal with. He could put her on a pretty pedestal and drown out her authority. But the real Clarke, the one who pulled a blade out of Finn in the middle of a hurricane, who didn’t hesitate to take away Atom’s pain, the one who followed him to find Octavia, _that_ one might be too much for him to deal with right now.

Octavia.

_Why did I even ask Clarke to come with me to help find her?_

He knew the answer of course. It was because she is the one who would say yes. Not because of him, but because of Octavia. Clarke was _selfless_. He’s not sure he could say that about anyone else in the camp.

Jasper, Finn, Atom, Murphy. Clarke understood what it meant to be literally drenched in the blood of others. But she was a healer. She took away pain and brought the dying back from the brink.

But Bellamy? He was a murderer. A monster. He broke and tainted everything he touched. And eventually, he was going to have to pay for that.

He needed to leave the camp - and soon.

**Day 15**

Ok so when he said _soon,_ he wasn’t expecting the next day soon. But hey, when an opportunity presents itself…

As he walked through the woods with Clarke, he thought about how he was going to slip away. Clarke had just made his clean break away from the camp a little more difficult.

_“Why are you asking me?”_

_“Well, because right now, I don’t feel like being around anyone I actually like.”_

He had to bite back a smile as he thought about her words. She was lying. There were _plenty_ of people in camp that she didn’t like that could’ve gone with her. And yet - she chose him.

He knew he was playing with fire by letting himself get closer to Clarke, but he couldn’t say no. He had known her for two weeks and had somehow become his most reliable (if reluctant) acquaintance.

_It goes both ways at least. After everything, she sought out_ **_me_ ** _to go and look for supplies._

_But she would’ve taken Finn if he wasn’t recovering._

_Fucking Finn._

_—_

“So should I just hold it on my shoulder…?”

“Yeah, just a little higher now…”

_Shit shit shit shit SHIT. I’m touching her. This is bad. Why am I this close? Breathe, Blake. Breathe. It’s just Clarke._

**_BLAKE._ **

“Yeah. Uh. That’s good. Uh, watch and learn.”

*click*

*click*

“Still watching…”

_Swingggg and a miss._

“My bullets are duds. Try yours.”

_Clarke holding a gun is not hot. Nope. Not at all. This is about survival._ **_This is about survival._ **

_She’s a natural. And that smile. Fuck._

_—_

He needed to get some air.

_She sounded disappointed that I was leaving._

He tried to convince himself that it was just because she didn’t want to lead alone. It had nothing to do with _him_ personally. She didn’t care if he stayed or left, she just didn’t want to lose a co-leader.

It was getting harder to convince himself of that with every small smile, every time she looked to him for support, every time she understood him without words, every time she…

—

_She saved my life._

She had thrown herself into his fight with Jax. She could’ve run - she _should_ have run. She shouldn’t risk her life to save him. The camp needed her, not him. The only way they’d survive until the ark came down is if they had a healer like Clarke.

She should’ve run.

_Why didn’t she run?!_

_Maybe…_

“Come with me.”

“What?”

“You and me. Screw everybody else, let’s just go.”

He expected her to scoff and immediately shoot it down. He hadn’t even thought before it slipped out.

_She’s… hesitating. She’s thinking about it?!_

“No.”

He knew she was right. He needed to face it, face Jaha. He couldn’t abandon Octavia.

And as she laid down next to him under the tree, the truth hit him like a ton of bricks:

_I can’t leave Clarke._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii. So. For those of you who follow me on tumblr, you might've already seen this but I've been dealing with major physical and mental health issues. I have been in a lupus flare which triggered a depressive episode and it's just been a ROUGH month. 
> 
> This and my Bellarke/Reylo story are constantly on my mind but actually writing has been nigh impossible. I hope this chapter at least partly makes up for the wait.

**Author's Note:**

> I won't be doing scenes this close together for the whole fic. But there were just so many key scenes in season 1 that establish Bellarke.
> 
> If I miss scenes that you want done from Bellamy's POV, feel free to ask in comments. 
> 
> Title and chapter titles from Every Time You Leave by I Prevail. Listen to it and tell me it's not a Bellarke song.


End file.
